Workout For The Robert Pattinson Obsessed: The Robert Pattinson Workout For the Robsessed

So, if you're reading this article, you're either a Robert Pattinson fan or you're a guy. Because everybody knows that if you're a female, you're automatically a Twiglight/Pattinson fan. If you're a guy, you probably meant to search for "chicks and beer", so just click the back button on your browser and return to Google search. For the rest of you, let's get started.

If you're STILL reading this, you're no longer just a fan of R-Patz. Nope. You're an obsessed, Robert-crazy lunatic. Why? Simple. Who else wants to read a workout for the Robert Pattinson obsessed? Nobody else! That's who! So, why am I writing this? Because there's enough of you out there that this will actually get read.. A LOT!

Why did I create a workout for the Robert Pattinson fan? Because like most fans of the Twilight star, you probably have been sitting at home for months consantly refreshing TMZ, PerezHilton, and Twitter looking for any updates and shirtless pics of the pale young man.



Okay, take a few more minutes to finish staring at the latest pictures of him and his new car. Okay, are we good now? Great.

Step 1: It's obviously 3 AM and you probably have your laptop sitting on your lap, so let's take advantage of that. As a warmup, go ahead and lift your laptop up and toward your chest, and back down. Repeat 30 times or until muscle fatigue.

Great, biceps are loosened up. Now, let's put the laptop to the side and, here's the important part, FULLY CLOSE IT. I can't have your shirtless Robsessed background wallpaper keep you distracted. I know, this is hard for you to do, but trust's good for you. This is probably the first time in months that your laptop has been un-used anyway, so let's give it a break.

Step 2: Your legs are probably asleep and there are probably pop-tart wrappers, soda cans, and fast food bags all over the coffee table and floor. Go ahead and kick those out of the way and stretch your legs out so they stop being asleep. Good job!

Step 3: Lay down on your stomach and place your palms down on the ground. We're going to start off with some upper body training, pushups! Slowly lower yourself to the ground and lift yourself back up using the strength of your upper body. This is great for the triceps, traps, pecs, etc. Not motivated enough? I already knew that. That's why I thought ahead. I want you to picture Robert laying below you, ladies. Now lower yourself each time to kiss him. Do as many as you are able.

Step 4: Great! You probably did 1 million pushups just now. All you needed was a little motivation! Next, we're going to go outside for a little jog. A little sun is good for you. Besides, we all know that just because you like ol' Rob doesn't mean you want to be as pale as him. Or do you? In this case, wear a hoodie and gloves on your jog.

Step 5: Who am I kidding? You've already given up and are back at your computer because you were so afraid you'd miss the latest "Where is Robert" news update.

Can't say I didn't try. Give yourself a pat on the back, girls. You did great!

My name is Justin Bowers. I'm a certified personal trainer from Greenville, SC and I decided to take a break from the normal serious fitness article and have some fun. I hope you enjoyed it. Visit my website at


  1. LOL Justin! I live in Anderson. This article was tweeted to me. So funny. I am Robsessed but I do still make it to the gym. Just wanted to say hi from the neighboring town.

  2. Thanks for the encouragement! Keep retweeting! And hi from Greenville!

  3. omg! are you kidding me?! I did all the steps!! LOL thanks Justin ;D

  4. Lizzy. I'm sure the others can sympathize with you in that it was very difficult to step away from your computer for that long. Next week, we'll work on RobSquats.

    Don't ask.

  5. Justin~You are too funny. You must train alot of Robsessed women!

  6. In all honesty... I only train one! She was my inspiration for this, as a matter of fact.

  7. Hey Justin,ummmm...I know who your talking about.*wink*

    In fact, that personwhoshallnotbe named gave me the link to your site.LOL You are too funny and I wish you could come to Texas. But I know you have your hands full with the personwhoshallnotbenamed. No worries about my fitness though I'm slim and trim. Even though I'm Robsessed.LOL

    It was nice to read your post and have a great day.


  8. Personwhoshallnotbe named will love the attention that this article is receiving.

    I'll try to expand to Texas. It's only several hundred miles from where I'm at. I'll get to working on it.

  9. OMG I think I love you! Marry me.
    Oh wait, I like tall, lanky, pasty, British men who drink beer and eat hot pockets and whose idea of a workout is running their fingers through their hair...never mind LOL

    BTW, you forgot the patented Robsessed Lap Dance squat.

    great post!